By: Jordan Calvano
Hipsters. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. Actually, you totally can live without them, but they seem to be everywhere. Emerging from bistros, hiding in the shadows of concert venues, crowding the halls of every thrift shop rocking Macklemore’s haircut. This shit is uncanny, and it’s just not fair. It’s like they’re vampires, feeding off our ignorance of Art Deco miniature furniture and using the night to garner as much useless knowledge as possible. Then, they patiently wait. Just hoping you bring up that certain artist they’ve been listening to for years. They don’t share information with just anyone. They keep that shit on the down low until it’s beneficial to them. And sure, the radio and MTV just ruined their favorite artist, but they’ve got 20 more in the chamber just waiting to go. Compiled below is a list of electronics artists that these hipsters drool over. They’ve known these songs before the artists even made them, because that’s just how they do.
10. Star Slinger
Sidenote: We like all these artists, and have seen most of them live. But Breaking Bad just ended, and we needed to foist our angst upon someone. Plus we just like having fun.
The Star Slinger sound was born and bred to titillate the eardrums of any hipster accessing Wi-Fi at
Starbucks this local coffee shop you probably haven’t heard of. But don’t be ashamed, the place is members only. Minimalistic drums and euphoric synths through and through, present on blissful remixes of artists like Hundred Waters, London Grammar, and Lion Babe. Plus this dude has the indie hip-hop game on lock like nobody’s business.
Even if his music didn’t qualify him for this category, Will Wiesenfeld’s dope ass prescription glasses would’ve done the trick. Fortunately his music qualifies, so he’s a lock. Maybe it’s the stillness of his beats or those unpredictable vocal shifts. Maybe it’s his desire to produce something enticingly unique that gets hipsters stirring in their loafers. To everyone who called him four eyes in middle school…who’s laughing now?
The “hipster” pulls mightily from the “beatnik” of yesteryear. So would Jack Kerouac and Bob Dylan have been considered hipsters? Dear god. Hope not. Anyway, let’s talk Tycho. Music so placid that it could calm down a room of screaming addicts at NA. That should be their tagline. Also perfect for a hipster chill sesh. And although we’ve never been invited into one of these eclectic circles, we can imagine there’s an unlimited supply of PBR. Only their refined palates can truly understand.
Whether at concerts, public forums or bars, hipsters always have an agenda. They pretend not to possess a single care in the world, but there must be some master plan evolving. Maybe plotting their next move, thinking “How can I make myself seem superior to everyone else while still not giving a shit.” But when securely fastened in the confines of their downtown apartments, we can only assume every Classixx remix is coursing through
Spotify, Youtube, iTunes, Television, a tape player. Phoenix, Active Child, Lana Del Rey, Mayer Hawthorne, Yacht. And the list goes on.
6. Cyril Hahn
“Oh you haven’t heard of Cyril Hahn? That’s alright, he’s still pretty underground.” Damn them, always thinking they’re one step ahead. “I actually went to prom with his sister and smoked a joint with him” Did you, because that’s bullshit. Somehow they always know the artists or got to second base with their distant cousins, it makes no sense. And although we know they must be lying, their ice-cold spirits and stone cold demeanors make it seem like maybe it’s true. Whether Cyril is touring with Ryan Hemsworth (keep scrolling), recording with Shy Girls (Portland based, so you know), or remixing tracks from HAIM (dead giveaway), we can guarantee a pack of hipsters dressed in attire from Urban Outfitters are somewhere nearby.