Bizarre Owl Behavior Rampant in Advance of Music Festival
Published: May 2, 2013
TWAIN, CA – According to The Human Health Agency, the owls in California’s Feather River Valley have not interbred with humans, despite their recent strange behavior around Electronic Dance Music.
Officials acknowledge the first reports of strange incidents began approximately 5 years ago. The population of affected owls is estimated to be in the high hundreds, with strange behavior most apparent around the weekend of June 21st.
“While we agree that it is highly unusual for owls to attempt to nest in Meyer Sound speakers and steal glowsticks from local campers, our DNA research definitively proves that interbreeding has not taken place. We are working tirelessly to find the source of this change in owl behavior, but you can rest assured that it is not the result of any unseemly relations.” A spokesperson reassured the public, before turning to his assistant and whispering “yet.”
Animal Rights Activists assert that responsibility lies with The Bounce Festival, an annual music and art event held at the epicenter of the phenomenon. A spokeswoman for PETA was heard remarking on Tuesday “If they would just stop bringing in such good music, the owls wouldn’t give a hoot”.
Residents have reported a mass migration of owls from Belden Town, a local resort where the event had taken place in the past, to the new festival location in Twain, CA. An advisory was put out to locals this past Tuesday to remove all music by Beats Antique, GRiZ, BoomBox, Justin Martin, Mark Farina, Rob Garza, and over 100 more musical acts from their music players, or risk losing them to thieving owls. For a full list of artists, visit http://thebouncefestival.com
“Last night I was driving down the Highway, listening to [name redacted], when an owl swooped into the window and pecked my iphone until it started playing a mix by GRiZ” An exclusive source reported, adding “And I’m so pumped on that mix!”
When confronted outside of Fresh Bakin’ Headquarters, festival organizer Steve Emmerich stated “I don’t know anything about this human health agency study – all I know is that those owls are not what they seem.”